Innocence Lost

I stand in the mirror
Looking back
Through the layers of my soul
Trying to find
The innocence that was once mine…

But it’s gone.
Stripped away
By a year of starvation
One apple a day
A skeleton comes out to play
Can’t make me eat
Fuck that.

Recovery
Chaos
Self destruction
Can’t count the relapses now
Time blurs
Memories fuzz
Nightmares are synonymous with reality

You told me I was too skinny
So I remembered how to eat
And then I couldn’t stop
So here I am
A gag reflex broken
Look at this
All I need is a little liquid
And bending over takes care of the rest
Can’t eat
Can’t sleep
Alcoholism threatening me
What do I do?
Too ashamed
To admit
I can’t snap out of it
So I waste my insides slowly away
Living in agony every day
Can’t you see?
Can’t you tell?
Course not.
No one sees
The misery
Behind my pretty plastic smile
But the smile is rotting away
Blood is a sight
I see every day

I search for my innocence
But it’s long since lost
I search for myself
But she’s paid the cost
Of a slim pretty figure
And I die
Die
Die
Every day tightens the trigger
On the gun of suicide

Heart stammers
Stutters
Stops
Which beat
Will be my last?
Innocence lost…