A One Sided Story

I don't want to be that call at four a.m,
Asking some silly question,
I sigh and pray to god,
That someday I'll be your everything.

We talk face to face for the first time in ages,
I try to look pretty,
And you don't seem to care,
And I wonder what I mean to you.

I go to sleep that night with doubts,
Do you think of me as much as I do you?
Are these feelings shared or fake?
And do you even seem to slightly take notice of me?

I'm tempted to stare at you day after day,
And I feel my eyes meander,
But I quickly shut them and turn to the side,
Crying here would be of no use.

Tortured and confused,
We had already been through so much,
Sharing scars,
Let's just call them paper cuts.

I understand you don't want me hurt,
That you don't know what you want,
But you know already that if you asked,
I'd become whatever you needed.

Day by day we pass by,
Silent treading,
Speak no words,
They are of no use.

One day you suddenly want me,
So of course I give in,
Under your older snare I am bewitched,
And you steal my first kiss.

We go back to the way we were,
Even though you said we wouldn't,
(Did you know that pisses me off?)
No, of course you don't.

You've now stolen my nights,
You already dominate my days,
I hate being like this,
Like a statue in a frozen state.

Love is simply defined as four letters,
Yet so is this word called hate,
Lies is also four letters,
Each is so closely related.

Venom now seethes within me,
You've basically stolen my life,
And I don't give a damn that you have,
Because I'm so hopelessly smitten.

I wonder if you're worth it at all,
Or if I'm not good enough,
Behind these tear stricken eyes,
I've chosen to build a wall and stand alone.

My heart is ice,
My soul is now stone cold,
Yet whenever I see you,
I go weak in the knees and simply melt.

Just being near you now causes a stir,
My emotions go wild,
My mind races,
And my eyes tease me with tears.

I know I love you,
More than I have ever loved anyone,
You're special you know,
Otherwise I wouldn't be here.

I'm trying to still stand by you,
But unfortunately the gap is still there,
Haunting and taunting me,
Grab my hand and don't let me fall into the pit of despair.

I hate the fact that I now feel like this,
I just want this to end,
Whether we drift apart,
Or end up together once again.

My heart has started to ebb and flow,
My head is always in a whirl,
Yet your eyes always seem to calm me,
Your smile rids me of my cares for just a moment.

But then I remember what I want,
Something I'll never have,
You're never going to get serious,
Are you? Oh well then.

I'm going to wait for you,
Whether I like it or not,
Even though I'm broken and mangled,
I hope you can put me back together again.