Lifeless

Low to the ground.. Thoughts running through my mind.. Screaming from my heart.. Not knowing how to deal.. How to handle such feelings.. Keeping the thoughts to myself.. Letting them swim.. Floating  free.. taking away they're strength to kill me.. I wanna stand...

I wanna walk away.. No longer be afraid.. I wanna watch the pain just evaporate as if it was never there.. I float above.. Watching my lifeless body.. How the strength was nowhere to be found when needed the most.. 

Watching the lights around me fade.. Stuck in a room full of darkness.. Control me.. Reel me in.. Never let me go.. I feel the snakes swim at my feet.. Sliding atop, slithering up my legs.. Slowly bitting they're way beneath my skin.. My body still lifeless lays there.. Unable to move as my soul feels the hunger inside... Feeling the hunger to die eat at me.. 

In a snap, the darkness disappears.. Body still lays lifeless at my feet.. In the distance I hear a heartbeat.. Steady but alive.. Weak but thriving..  Wanting to live.. Afraid to die.. My soul unable to make a choice.. Still fearing what is in store.. 

I reach inside my own mind.. Such a fragile reel of memories.. Some tragic and painful.. Others filled with laughter and love.. Watching her last moments of life.. Laying in the tub.. Lifeless in a puddle of scarlet red water.. Not able to find the cause.. Looking deep inside further down.. Close to the heart.. I think I found it.. So broken... Black and beyond fragile.. She gave up... 

I gave up.. Standing there, watching the  lifeless body at my feet.. Hands across my heart.. I found the problem.. No reason to hold on... They all walked away.. Lied and pretended everything was ok.. Never listened or believed... What was there left for me?? To want to live? I gave up.. On me..