Living in Relapse

It’s when I’m shaking the hardest
That I wonder where my God is.
Have I fallen one time too many?
The bible says he fell three times, but maybe that’s just talk.
After all, I’m slipping again,
And this time I’m numb.
This time I’ve gotten better,
This time I’ve refined my tricks,
And they’ll never have to know.
But still,
I wish someone,
Anyone,
Would look me in the eye,
And actually ask if I’m okay.
I’d smile and lie,
Because the truth is too much,
Because the truth is only annoying to them,
Because the truth is just one more thing to deal with,
But mostly,
Because the truth is that I’m frightened.
I’m fighting a battle against myself,
And even if I win,
I will lose everything.