I can't do it. I'm not good enough.

It's all in my head.
My wrists don't need to be red. 
Just tell myself I'm worth more. 
Stop counting the scars"1,2,3,4"
Just don't think about it 
No, my wrists don't need to be slit. 
I'm perfectly fine
This past..it can't be mine. 
I'm so so happy. 
Is that who you want me to be?

I try, but I can't believe my thoughts. 
In my head, I still feel the knots. 
I try to say, 
That I'm okay, 
But I know the truth. 
And I know the lies. 
No matter what I do, the feelings still rise. 
I know I'm not okay,
And I know I wouldn't care if I died today. 
I know that my past is real 
I know that I may never heal. 
I can't convince my mind
My feelings about myself, just aren't that kind. 
No. 
I'm not okay. 
No matter what I say.