Why Is It Oddly Satisfying?

All this pain I put myself through,
Why is it oddly satisfying?
Why does it have to be true?
Being the one that is abused.
Not by loved ones, not by strangers
But by my own self.
Why is it oddly satisfying?
To peirce the skin with a blade,
When all things are hectic.
Why do I feel the need
To hurt myself when I want to cry.
Is it fair to feel this way?
To feel as if the only way to feel better,
Is to hurt myself?
Why is it oddly satisfying?
The pain I put myself through.