how to love

When you close your eyes
you can see her
looking at you
and talking about how wonderful
you really are
and then you know that
it won't last.

When I close my eyes
she's spitting on
me and cheating
on me
and stabbing me in the
back
with promises and lies
and deliberate
cheating.

when I close my eyes
I see myself drunk
and lonely
and in twenty years,
drunker and lonelier
closing my eyes then too.

Love is hell. When you put yourself
through hell over her-
when you close your eyes
and you'd rather
be gunned down
or strung out
on drugs,
THEN you love.

That's love.

God damn I hate it.
I close my eyes and see motherless
children.
I close my eyes and see her
looking spitefully at me.
I see her fucking
another man.

Love is hell;
I can't keep my eyes open
all of the time, god dammit-
I would.
that is love.