Stalling

Why can't I think of a reason?
As to why I'm with him?
I don;t want to hurt his feelings,
But I just keep pondering.

I tell him all I need is a hug to calm me,
And I get launched away quickly.
Crying, I try even harder to breathe,
Even when he won't fucking touch me.

Though I'm the one trying to admit,
My head, there's something wrong with it.
Then all I need is his love,
But with arms open, I get shoved.

So when affection gets denied,
I grab my subliminal sharpened knife.
Yet, I will only be told of how pathetic,
For cutting; I fear I'm still addicted.

It's nothing to make fun of,
But I pretend it's just tough love.
So I will scream witih agony,
Because he doesn't understand me.

Still, that's only when we're drinking,
But everything's my fault the next morning.
No matter what was said or done to me,
I'll be the one saying sorry, see?

Hoping the sober day will bring peace,
With non-stop loving on me.
I guess it'll never be enough,
But this thinking is so tough.

I can't come up with a reason at all.
No matter how long I can stall.
He still owes me, if he will remember.
Like he swears he;s not in the wrong, ever.

Except for a handfull of times,
When he finally knows I'm right.
He'll tell me he's so sorry,
And that he'll make it all up to me.

I'm always here, still waiting.
Even if my mind sucks at thinking.
I obviously shouldn't tolerate,
The pain inside, I forcefully ate.

My lack of patience doesn;t go well,
When the addition is so compelling.
I remember it all, and I keep counting,
Even if puts my heart through Hell.

The only reason that comes to mind,
Is that I'm truly in love this time.
Even if I feel he doesn't care as much,
I'll say being in love is enough.

So I guess that's my reason, at last.
I'm just giving someone a second chance.
No matter the stress it's putting me though,
I don't really matter, no matter what I do.