Numbing Pain

I numb my pain.

Dealing with it is to hard to handle.

The thoughts i think to hard to control.

Drinking:

puts me in a slow motion i cant explain.

the way the cold mliquid slides downmy throat and leaves a buring senation inside my stomach.

RELIEF!

Drifting into a state of mind where i feel invinsiable.

Cutting with a Razor:

To see my pain be released!

Satifaction that i hurt myself before someone i care about did it to me!

Before anyone has time to hurt me i cause myself a more permentate pain.

Flirtous:

To be loved by a man.

To be held in strong, protective arms.

To be safe.

I want the sense of belonging.

To take care of him.

Numbing my pain is an action i've become a pro at.

The fact that i have aced it makes me wonder........

What am i hiding?

Why am i hiding?

When will my pain subside?

Why countinue to numb myself when all i want is to be ACCEPTED for who I am?

Not what others want me to be.

I'm a mystery.

A case that has no soultion yet.

A lock....who's key has been lost.

Help me find myself.