What can I do?

What have I lost; what have I gained?
You took me. You shook me. You left me estranged.
Yet all that I’ve felt; through all that is pain,
I’d rather be tortured than shamelessly sane.

I’ve lived to the top of the mountains with you,
And slipped into shadows of right versus true,
I’ve done what I’d never…and have yet to do,
All has risen and changed and the blame will accrue.

Where have I been; when did I leave?
Why can’t I remember the sights that I’ve seen?
How is that feeling of pulse and of breath?
It’s the one that I swore I could never forget.

I’ll drink in the tears for a moment or two,
And let them unfasten the zippers and glue.
Begin to reveal what is startled and new,
And I’ll do what I can, without further ado.