Memories

The pain is like a black cloud.

But stuffed in my chest.

No.

It's more suffocating.

Like a thick blanket.

Or an ocean.

It's waves crashing down.

Hitting me over and over.

Drowning me.

All I can think about is her.

Alone.

Terrified.

Where was I?

Home in bed.

She died alone.

My own mother.

My flesh and blood.

In agony I could only imagine.

That's my problem.

I can't grasp it.

How life could be so wretched.

To tear away my sanity.

The last remnants of my happiness.

God I can only imagine what happened.

I bet the room was tacky and white.

The only sounds being her heart monitor.

Bleep.. bleep.. beeeep...

Flat line.

She knew it was happening.

That much I can feel inside.

I wonder if she thought of me..

My chest heaves at the thought.

I'm not sure if it's survivor's guilt.

But Lord I feel it.

Some nights I can't breathe.

The sobbing gets to be too much.

I feel like it's completely my fault she died alone.

Feeling unloved.. unwanted..

But that's not the case at all.

I loved her till the end.

I swear I did.

I don't care if she was addicted.

I don't care she sold me and left me.

I loved her..

I still do.