I Finally Have an Answer to This

Why do I do this?

I've asked myself that question for forever and no answer has been good enough for me until now.
The reason I do this is not because I don't feel anything or because I want to see if i am still alive.
Or because I want to watch the blood roll down my arm taking my life with it.
It's because I discipline myself.
Every time I mess up, or do something wrong and get pointed out for it by you,
I realize that it must be a bad thing.
So that's the only way I work it out.
It's not a coping mechanism.
Your just not doing your job as a parent, right?
So I have to discipline myself for your wrongdoings.