A Past I Did Not Want to Reveal

Life isn't an easy thing. You go though day after day not knowing whats around the corner.
I have a past, a past that I never wanted to reveal; but you see, Its not easy holding in all the horrors I felt. So I'm going to tell you in this poem I wrote.

I used to wake up every morning wondering Is today the say I'm finally going to do it,
Then that night I'd tell myself sense it wasn't today it must be tomorrow.

I had only one escape, I'd use it every day.
I could never wait to get home to my friend who awaited me.

After a long day of hurtful words and people telling you, you shouldn't exist
You wouldn't be able to wait either.

My friend he was harsh, he would mellow the pain though.
By taking my time and sliding the edge of him over my wrist.

A rush of satisfaction and the feel of the warm how liquid running down my arm is what I craved.
It's what I got.

On some days it was worse then others.
That pain inside so swollen I couldn't bare it.

These so called friends of mine telling me I'm ugly and useless.
Calling me the most fowl names, telling me to kill myself.

All I could say is okay I will.
It hurt to much, to the point I couldn't take it.

I went to bed that night telling myself tomorrow is the day.
The next day I went through all the pain as normal, the only thing was I was about to crack.

I made it thought the day, but I didn't expect to make it thought the night.
I took my friend gave him a kiss and slid him over my wrist as deep as I could.

I felt that happy moment where everything feels like it will be okay.
I got light headed and fell, I couldn't walk well but I made it to get some water.

I took a few sips and could walk again.
I didn't notice but those few sips of water saved my life.