French Braid

I would give my life
I would fall into the depths of hell
I would skin myself completely sober
I would break off all of my limbs
I would pull my teeth out one by one

To save you.

But I can't do it anymore
I'm tired
I'm emotionally tired
Physically tired
I've cried myself dry
I've isolated myself from the world

To save you.

But what do I really have to do
To keep you alive?

I wish it were simply planting a kiss
Or making you smile

But it's not
Don't you see?

You're only difficult to me

You're only hesitant with me

You're eager to die,
And I can see that now;
The longing to disappear in your eyes
Burning a hole through me
I only yearn to do one thing

To save you.

But I can't!
You don't want me!
I'm not welcomed here!
You want to take your own life
And leave everyone who loves you
Alone to suffer

I watch your eyes wander to that rope
That razor
That bottle of pills
That bathtub
Your lips still unmoving.

I can't save you.

I watch you step off of the chair
Strike your wrist just once
Popping that handful of pills
Dunking your head under the surface of the foggy water...

That foggy water held memories
Of your first bath in the bathtub
When your daddy would blow the suds of bubble bath out of his hand
When your mommy would comb your hair after daddy dried you off,
Her nimble fingers working your thin hair
Into a beautiful french braid

You're a lot like that french braid:

You didn't want to be saved.