4.2.11

It's not about who makes you laugh
Anybody can do that
Anybody can put a smile on your face
But that doesn't mean you're happy
Smiles are only temporary
Laughter fades out
They don't save you from feeling empty
It's about who makes you feel alive
And who makes you want to actually live
Who makes you happy all the time
Who makes you feel like everything's worth it
But what if you don't want to be happy
Everyone wants happiness
But what if you don't 
What if you enjoy your misery too much
Too much to ever let yourself be happy
So much that you push those away who make you happy
And never give anyone a chance
You distance yourself from happiness
And strangely, being unhappy makes you feel most alive
And that's what scares you most of all