So Real

The beeping cuts through
And then I realize
It was only just a dream.
You see, I want you here
And my mind is telling me to return
To our once-great reality
I really wish I could.
I'm messed up, screwed up, mixed up.
My mind a constant storm.
Every night I'm so calm,
But the eye never ceases to yield to more torment.
I had a dream last night,
Like I always do
And we always make things right.
The tears, the apologies, the embrace.
Everything I want.
I miss dancing with you
While everyone's there
Not caring there's no music.
The stolen kisses back stage
And when you'd fall asleep in my arms.
My mind is on repeat
Seven months eighteen days
Twenty minutes to break it.
Everything I miss in my waking
I have behind my lids.
We danced again last night
And everyone cheered
Like you were my prize I never deserved
You pulled me to the side,
Out of sight out of mind
And we begin to talk
Small talk, catching up, before you whisper
"I love you"
I felt your hands on my waist again
Then running through my hair
As you showered me with your kisses.
So sweet, so real.
My hands cup your face and I lose my ability to breathe, not able to believe
Your forgiveness
And the wonder written in your eyes.
You lean down to kiss me again,
My heart getting the shock it needs to beat again.
I feel something deep inside;
Contentedness
And joy once more.
The tragedy is that dreams must end
And I live in this nightmare.
Because I caused this,
This self-inflicted brokenness.
When you hurt someone,
You break your own heart.
It's been three damn weeks,
But you're still the only one.
I dream
I wake
I dream
I wake
Things are changing
But your memories have become so entangled in my life
I don't know how I'll ever get
These lines undone.