The Mask

I'm great, I'm fine, I'm spectacular...in a way
I cry every night and live every day
I live, I laugh, I write, I sing
I wonder what tomorrow will bring

Then I get home and take off the mask
Grab this knife and think of the past
As I slice it across my wrist
I feel the darkness, and now I'm pissed

This darkness inside me haunting my every thought
Making me buy this thing that I bought
A pregnancy test that I have to take
To see if my ex-boyfriend's and my life will change by fate

I cry, I scream, I moan, I sleep
Even though I have promises to keep
I wait and wonder and cry some more
I ache and burn from my very core

Then I'm not alone and the mask reappears
On goes the grief, the pain, and the tears
As I make myself happy, cheerful all day
A world full of happy colors, not one shade of gray

I'm not okay I'm not just fine
No matter how much you think I'm lying
I don't deserve to feel this way
It is my brothers fault, I never said you may

But I have to live with this pain forced to cling to life
But one day I may slip, and end it with just this little knife
I'm still here no matter what my dreams may say
And I hope one day, I will be okay

But for now I have to live with this pain
I have to live everyday although I am in vein
I lay here wondering what tomorrow will bring
Another issue leaving pain or a happy ending where all the birds sing

No one can help me, my "friends" all walked away
My parents think I'm lying, and I'm perfectly okay
Guidance councilors try to get me to talk
But no one understands me so I just want to walk
Away from the pain but that's not possible so stay outta my life
and just let me end it with this little knife