5, 4, 3, 2, 1

I am giving in this once.
For just one more possibility.
For one more second.
One more moment.
For You.
Me.

For one night I chose happiness
Now look where I am.
In this place.
So confused.
Broken.

It is not what I intended.
Far away from my typical
Distinctive is not right.
Far from normal.
I'm falling.
Alone.

Yet I know you are there.
You were there long ago.
I chose to forget.
We drifted far,
Far apart.
Separate.

Now I am stuck in between.
You and the other one.
But I'm so lost.
My unwritten story.
Remains blank.
White.

You could do better than this,
This mess of a person
It's what I've become.
What I chose.
For myself.
Now.

I am grasping at invisible ropes.
But nothing was ever there.
Nothing to grab at.
Forever this way.
I pretended,
Always.

It would be easier to fall.
This trying takes too much.
Words are losing meaning.
I'll stop caring.
Worked before.
Barely.

I could just choose to jump.
Embrace the failure I've become.
Give in to insanity.
Let myself go.
And maybe
Live.

Survive more of these fading minutes,
Endure another round from hell.
An unfair fist fight.
Where I stand.
Being another
Punchbag.

I know how to take it.
How to get back up.
But returning the rage
Far too foregin.
So I'll
Remain.

I am this ticking time bomb
Waiting for the lit fuse
To reach its end.
Let me go.
Give me
Permission.

So I no longer must handle
Or control my own self
Live in this hell
And then this,
This can
End.