My Wish

Smiles and spirit,
Mouth open with joy,
Moving free,
Hugs and kisses,

Under a lit sky,
Sun beating down,
Everything shining,
The worlds going right,

I used to feel this way,
Specs of time,
That are plastered in my head,
Remembrance of the good,

Now i live from 5 at night,
To 8 in the morning,
I don't want to see my friends,
I don't want to leave the couch,

I lost all hope,
My envy and hatred has consumed me,
I am nothing,
I feel nothing,

I am a spiteful, malicious asshole,
I forgot what it feels like,
To hold someone I love
In my arms,

My life is empty,
I just sit here,
And stare at all these happy pictures,
Of other people,

I have wished to be full,
Have someone who cares,
To have someone I can talk to,
To be with me until sunrise,

To be comfortable with,
In love with,
To cry with happiness,
To feel at ease and breathe,

But I hear myself think,
I am boring, annoying,
I see my reflection,
I am hideous and revolting,

I've come to terms with it,
I won't ever find love,
One thing I haven't decided though,
Is when to take the life I have,
And cut it short before it gets any worse.