Feel Myself Fall

They all look at me and seem to think the same thing,
But they don't see from the inside out; feel the familiar sting.
They admire from afar saying, "She's so strong."
What they don't know is that they couldn't be more wrong.
They're not there when no one is around;
They don't see me crumbling down, not wanting to be found.
They can't read the thoughts that are racing,
Driving me insane with things I don't want to be facing.
They don't see the trembling behind closed doors;
All the times I can't choose a side during antagonizing internal wars.
Maybe I've gotten too good at putting up a poker face,
Acting like it doesn't faze me when it's cutting like a mace.
They don't see the tears flow down in fear and pain;
All the times I'm just trying to breathe and stay sane.
They don't see the darkness in front of me that's supposed to represent my future,
The darkness that looms blacker than the blackest night,
The voice that screams, "I can't take this leap of faith!" - the endless fright.
That something inside me that still refuses to trust you
Even though countless times you've showed me that you follow through.
They don't know that I've never been so terrified of the future and what it brings.
They call me beautiful, strong, fearless; but I think they're just missing all of the above things.