I Cannot

I just had a surge of panic that suddenly ran through me.
The anxiety that makes my heart race and the sadness that makes my heart clench.
My eyes begin to tear as the hurt grows inside of me.
The screams that bubble in my throat and choke the breath out of me.
The tremors that shake my body
and my trembling fingers that can barely type away the various emotions that engulf me
and the darkness that clouds me.
The desire to disappear and to bleed out haunts me.
The emptiness where love and trust should be mocks me.
The longing I feel and the solitude I face hit me as I once again realize that I cannot afford to cry.
I must keep going and smile for the next person that looks my way.
Because I'm fine.
I will be fine.
To face what I must face next, I cannot break.
I cannot -I must not- give way the torment that rages within me.