The Blood

No one knows how difficult that was for me
I just stood there watching
I hadn't even meant for it to
happen
It was a fluke
An accident
but when it sliced through
my skin
the pain taking its hold
at first I was afraid
but then
later on
it was like bliss
I stared at the crimson
watched the blood pool
stared in awe at the
amount
so much
from such a small cut
It almost disgusted me
almost
How the slightest accident
could send me back
the urges crawling up
from the darkest depths of
my soul and mind
It all came back
you all wonder why
I am the way I am
hate the things I hate
this is why
something so innocent
can cause
a flood of tears
emotions
urges
pains
It can all be so much
too much
no one understands
how hard it was
to keep control
when that knife
sliced through
my skin