Dear Jake, I'm Sorry

Dear Jake,

I'm sorry for what I necessarily don't know,
But when do I ever know what I'm apologizing for.
Still, I am sorry.
You're a really great friend, though you may not think it,
You are.
You're a good-hearted person,
You just can't see it.
I hope one day,
You’ll become surer of yourself and understand,
That you can make anyone smile or laugh.
This is starting to sound like a goodbye letter,
And I guess possibly it is.
I've recently figured that I'm becoming,
More withdrawn from society and life itself.
I don't find pleasure in what I do anymore,
I don't find the reason to breathe,
Nor do I like living anymore.
Sure there are a few perks that I keeping me alive,
But I just don't find joy in anything else, besides that.
I find it really hard to breathe and keep my eyes open,
But that’s because I don't eat anymore.
Jake, I'm really sorry that I couldn't keep the one promise,
You told me to keep,
And that was not to cut,
But I failed miserably at that.
I'm really really sorry Jake,
But I want to ask one thing of you,
And that's not to cut because of me,
Or anyone else or ANYTHING!
Okay, Jake?
You have to promise me that?
Because I don't want to see you in whatever lies beyond death.
I don't want to be a spirit floating around,
And see your tombstone that has your name.
Okay, Jake?
You can't let anyone bring you down to that level!
It isn't fair to anyone, especially not to yourself.
I don't want you to hurt nearly as much as I do.
Heh, I've become a blubbering fool over here,
This officially sucks.
I just want to say,
I don't hold any grudges against you.
Not for hurting my heart, not for anything you said, nothing,
Because there's a lot more good that I can think of that counteracts that,
And that to me is a lot more of an accomplishment than the bad.
I want to say that I still love you.
When I think you of you my hearts gives a hard pound against my ribcage,
When I see you in the hallways or the classroom,
My heart aches and that the only reason I still know its there.
I hope you don't think I'm some type of weird clingy nutcase,
Because I just want to tell you how I feel before the end comes for me.
I don't really care if you have feelings for me anymore or not,
I just want to let you know.
I hope one day you can fully forgive me for the Sarah thing,
I want you to know,
The reason I did that was because
I've always love making people happy,
And I will do that no matter how,
In whatever way, shape or form I can.
So, Sarah was just to make you happy because a smile on a person's face
Is all I want.
I hope you can smile after I'm gone....
I hope you'll remember me.

Love,

MacKenzie Rayee Sikora