skitzo

I sit rocking my self back and forth, back and forth
Grasping my hair in thick bunches
Holding my breath... releasing my breath... holding my breath... releasing my breath
Digging my nails into my skin
Watching the blood drip
Rocking, rocking, rocking

"Stop!" I scream. "leave me alone!"
The voices don't listen to me
"Please!" I lift my head up from between my legs. Tears are running down my cheeks
The voices don't stop.

Black figures run around me.
They mock me. Tell me I'm ugly, I shouldn't be alive, i'm a waste of space
They pull on my arm and lift me to my feet. "Worthless shit!" They yell
They pull my hair, tug on my clothes and drag me to the ground by my legs

I grab my pillow and I am trying to swat all of them away but they wont leave.
"Worthless." They whisper. "Repulsive!" They scream.
I swat at them and run my fists into them but they disintegrate and then reappear.
They pull, they tug then they push.

I'm pushed into a wall.
I fall to my knees.
I feel blood run down my forehead,
Right before I tumble down to the carpeted floor and everything goes dark.

I wake up in the hospital.
things are calm again.
I look to my side, m mother is holding my hand
One small statement rolls off my lips that filled my heart with self hate
"I'm sorry I missed my meds again."