I am not good enough.

You know, I am used too this.
I am used to it all.
I am used to things putting me down
used to all the negative things being thrown at me at once.
used to being rejected.
used to fucking up.

I am used to it.

I became a quick learner of negative habits.
I have seen friends shoot up, spark up, fuck up.
I have seen blood everywhere
I have seen my own dad try and commit suicide.
I have seen my life flash before my eyes.

I have seen it all.

I know enough to get me by through this year.
I know that rainbows and glitter and unicorns aren't there everyday.
I know that my life isn't amazing
I know I have cried one too many tears.
I know that I am not alright
I know that I am not OKAY.

I know it all isn't fine.

I wish and want for a life where I have no tears.
I wish and want to be saved from here.
I wish and want to keep away from all the things that hurt.
I wish and I want for something a lot better then what I have.

I wish and want and want and wish, for you to come and save me from ALL of this.
I don't know what I did to deserve this shit.

I don't know.

and I am too sick to wish.

These friends I have aren't really friends.
these friends don't get my pain.
these friends are too pretty to gain my sense of thought.
these friends are having their OWN problems.
these friends aren't even worried a lot.
these friends think all is well
these friend think about so and so and say things are swell.
these friends look at me and say "You're so gorgeous just let it be"
these look at me and all they see is strong.

these friends aren't really friends.

I need and want are two separate things.
distinguish them first.
then try and deceive your mind from your priorities.

I need to be better.
I want to be better.
I know I am better.
I see that I am no one special.

I bleed to please.
not to feel.

I please no one when I force these things.
I please no one EVER.

I just wish that my feelings would be clear.
like a spring day sky but with the fall weather.