This Is Me. The Real Me.

I can't take it anymore
Honestly
Truly
Do you want to know how I REALLY feel about myself?

I feel like I'm boring as fuck
I feel so imperfect
Yet, there's no such thing as perfect, right?
Not in my mind

I want to be skinny
I feel as if I CAN'T
I hate how I look
I am so the OPPOSITE of confident

It's not anyone's fault
And maybe I'm not completely as repulsive as I take myself for
But this is how I feel
All the time

This is how I've always felt

That girl! Who was SO sure of herself, isn't ME!
I don't know where I'm going and I'm scared I'm going to end up on the streets
I'm scared of dying
And even more afraid of living

I want to hurt myself
All the time
I want to make time stop and stare in the mirror for what will supposed to be hours
And pick apart my imperfections

I cry
Everyday
And I once said I NEVER cried
Lie

Sometimes, I scream into a pillow
Because I can't let my family know how frustrated I am
How NOT okay I am
Every day my mom tells me I'm a great kid, and she's so proud...

She tells me I'm beautiful
I'm confident
I'm going places
I'm talented

And I DON'T feel that way
I've NEVER felt that way
Do you understand?
Do you understand how LONG I've been acting?

Do you understand how selfish I am?
To hurt over such a stupid thing, when my friends go through so much more and are actually strong
Do understand that all the "srength" I've shown has been fake?
Im so, so weak.

This is how I've always been...