Fighting For What I Lost

I still think of you and your quirks
Your words so old fashioned compared to your age
How every dress had matching lingerie
I was your little fairy
The cotton candy dress your favorite one on me
I hate the fact I don't have any photos of it
You hated technology and what it stood for
Your paranoia dove me mad
You changed your number every month
Your kisses made up for most of it
Your hands soft against my skin
The shivers it sent down my spine
My heart beating faster for things to come
The coldness of your blade
As it pressed against my skin never drawing blood
You always spun in your fingers
Even as you smoked
The monster inside me scared you
Ruining what we had together
The more you drank, the more I tried to help
It didn't help, you just pushed me away
The last time we spoke
You gave me your blade with a smile
Said you'd be back for it, one day
No such luck you killed yourself
Left behind a child I would never know
Your mother blames me
I'm the one who caused your scars
But it's not my fault your gone
It was your choice
I just hope you are in a better place
I will miss you so much my dear April