I Miss You, Do You Miss Me?

Suffocation,
That's what it feels like,
When I see you,
Or hear your name.

It gets so hard to breathe,
So hard to see clearly,
Because of these tears,
Chest-breaking sobs,
That want to spill out.

I can't let them,
I can't let you know,
How much I'm hurting inside,
I can't let you see,
How much pain my heart is in.

I can't smile.
I don't remember the last real smile.
It just hurts to smile,
It hurts to breathe,
It hurts to laugh.

I pretend,
I act like it's okay,
That I'm not really in pain,
That it doesn't hurt when I see you.

Can you look at me?
I can't look at you,
I want to cry every time I see you,
Is that the same with you?
Or are you happy,
Without me?

I want to go back to my self loathing,
My self hating,
I want to cut,
I want to die,
I don't want to hurt.

I haven't been the same,
Ever since you tore my heart from my body,
My friends have noticed,
They ask whats wrong?
I shake my head,
Tears brimming my eyes.
They look away,
Knowing that I'm in too much pain,
To even utter a word about it.

I miss your hugs,
I miss your kisses,
I miss staying up so late,
Just talking to you,
I miss you calling me beautiful,
I miss you calling me yours,
I miss calling you mine.

I miss you.