My Beautiful Nightmare

Why does this keep happening to me?
I see you all the time.
When I close my eyes.
When I'm supposed to be resting in peace.
But I'm not.
Because I see your face.
All the time.
Everywhere.
I can't escape this fate.
But I want to know why.
Is it because we ended on the wrong note?
Is it from you not being there?
Are you sorry?
No.
You made it crystal clear you weren't sorry for any of it.
The drugs.
The stealing.
The sleeping around.
Do you even know how many kids you have?
I do.
Six, in case you didn't.
You did this to us all.
You're torturing us, and you're not even around to notice.
You killed our souls by acting crazy with us inside you.
You do realize that shit kills fetuses, don't you?
That either one of your six could've died in the womb.
You gave birth to crack addicted babies.
And we have to live with the consequences.
Bipolar.
ADHD.
ADD.
Schizophrenia.
Paranoia...
All of it.
Do you understand how badly you fucked our lives up?
Mine especially.
I'm ashamed to admit I'm just like you.
The drug cravings.
The stealing.
The desire to drink.
That's me too.
So I guess I can't shame you for doing them, when I do them myself.
Now I'd like to know where the craving for blood came from.
Do you know?
Did you cut?
I do.
I'm psychotic.
I cut deeper, to bleed more.
I need it.
I can feel the sweet, hot blood coarsing through my veins, and it makes me shake.
Something so powerful has taken over me.
I want out.
I need out.
I can't keep living a lie.
So,
Please.
Tell me...
Why have you resurfaced into my dreams when I'm asleep,
And my mind when I'm awake.
Because this not knowing is killing me.
You've become my beautiful nightmare.