So This Is What Family Feels Like.

I spent the day
crying at my desk
for no
damn
reason.

Or for everything.
For all the fucking shit
I have to put up with
for all the fucking shit
my friends have to put up with
in knowing me.

All of the complications,
all of the plans called off and
all of the porn watched,
alone and together,
I cry for all my life and the people in it.

All of the cigarettes I have not smoked, I cry.
For every single cigarette my father smokes inside.
For every time my mother cries over spilt milk.
For every person I did not get the chance to know before they died.

I'm upset over myself
and over the family that I hardly have.
Because all we really do is yell
and fight
and we hate each other,
so this is what family feels like.