Fixation

Senior year finals,
I didn’t think I’d pass
spending too much time
wasting too much space
doing too much wrong
getting nothing done
but I passed
it feels unreal
but I passed

First days of college,
They felt like a dream
Looking back,
it’s like the clouds formed just right
tears like rain
they fall down my face
because I still can’t get it right
I still spend too much time
I still waste too much space
I still do too much wrong
I still get nothing done
but it happened
fuzzy memories
still happened

where I am now,
I never thought I’d get this far
I don’t know where to go
what to do
how to categorize all of the possibilities
they’re taking over my brain
filling me with so much hope
that eventually will drown me
because I wonder
will I ever stop spending too much time
will I ever stop wasting too much space
will I ever stop doing everything wrong
will I ever get anything done?
the never ending ‘I don’t know’s
but somewhere deep down I know
probably not

my future,
where ever it lays
I still didn’t think I’d get this far
why think ahead
when every waking moment
is fixated on the end?