Soldier and Pawn

please don’t ask me to save you again
because we are already two halves of a whole
and I’ll crumble if you touch me -
slip between your calloused, sandpaper fingers
and expose my soft peach underbelly to you
vulnerable like a newborn’s always is
My eyes closed but seeing everything

Seeing you at the beginning,
sitting upon your throne of ash and blood
and lit manic from the agony of a thousand broken souls
all your doing, all your fault
but your own soul?
it still shone,

beckoning the grace of a god-sent warrior
like nothing else could, like even His words could not
now isn’t it ironic?

To be absolved was one of your
biggest regrets;

even today, you hate me for it

And now seeing you years (decades) down the road
in this light, daybreak like salvation,
sky fading to fuzzy salmons and blues
like it never does anywhere but on earth

The set of your shoulders like forgiveness, but not quite
voice like eggshells, glass, churchbells - tentative
eyes like supernovas, terrifying contrast - chaos
telling me you’re sorry, you’re glad
thinking youneverwannaleaveme

And then I feel your cross-hatched, weathered skin
against mine - finally, finally
like a long overdue promise
We breathe in each other’s sin,
and I can give you this, loyalty, for as long as we live

I am still your soldier, but you are no longer
my pawn