Always you.

That Night.

I got stoned the other night, I sat there as my mind raced for some reason. It’s never happened before until I started thinking about you.

We have alot of memories with fumbling fingers, heavy breathing, sweaty palms, and faint feelings drifting in the air. We did this for about five years, coming up on 6 until you turned 18. I always think back to these moments and realize, I liked you since I first saw you. You were my first, ontop of that and you treating me like I was princess; it was hard to let you go.

But after we did that, it started. You stopped talking to me, only hit me up when you wanted a stress reliever. I said ‘okay’ and met up, it just seemed so easy to me that if I did it, then you would like me. But the feeling never came.

That fateful night came, I had just got back from a party with my bestfriend; she dropped me off moments before you called me and told me to meet up at our usual spot. I walked there, it was a nice night and I liked the cool air against my bare shoulders; it was summer by then. School was long gone, our situations had gotten heavier with pregnancy scares and our parents finding out.

But we kept on, when I met you at our spot; you were standing there in jeans that hung off your hips and your light blue hollister shirt. You had cut your hair short, it was cute. I loved your hair short, it made you look so much more mature.

You met me halfway behind the white house on the corner, you grabbed my arms and kissed me. I knew it was your birthday today, 18 years old. A big thing, to you and your family. You were free. Free from family, school, this town and me.

You laid me down and we stripped off our clothes as we went at it, this time it was different. I knew this would be the last time, my mind and heart knew it. My heart ached when I thought about it. It hurt, bad. You caressed my face, and kissed me as you came. We laid there for a few minutes before you helped me stand up and put my clothes on, when I checked the time it was ‘12:00 am’.

‘Happy Birthday, Chris.’

I whispered to you as you hugged, every birthday we did this. For you and for me. But its different now, that night changed everything with us. You tried to act like it was any other night we did it, we chatted like we always did about what was going on. It was hard for me.

When you said you had to go, you kissed my cheek and walked away. I felt the tears free flowing as I realized this was the last time, I would ever see you, talk to you or share these moments with you ever again. I knew you were going to leave.

Everything changed that fateful night for both us, I heard the news about her; she was pregnant. You finally got a girl pregnant. I congratulated you when I found out, you told me you didn’t want anything to do with the baby. That made me realize that if I would have been pregnant, would it have changed anything? Would you want anything to do with the baby?

You graduated, moved, and left me here. You were dick sometimes, you treated me good sometimes but for me it was worth it. Five years of fumbling fingers, stumbling throughout our houses, and clothes being thrown. It was worth it for me.

I realize that I need to get over you, I know I can. I just miss it so much, I want to feel your touch again. That’s all I need is for you to hug me again, and kiss my cheek, then say ‘It going to be alright. I’m here’

But you aren’t here to say that, so I gotta do this on my own. My mind ponders to those nights with you and it makes me cry. By now, you are 19, and I just turned 17 this past weekend.

This is my final goodbye.