Blades

Been clean for eight months now,
But it screams for me still.
When the candles blow out,
When the sky glitters gold,
I battle against my will.

A square black box,
I sit myself in when the sun sleeps.
But dreams don't call for me.
I lay alone watching the clock,
Fighting the urge to weep.

Been clean for nine months now,
But the voices never cease.
Blood rushing through my veins,
Sharp edges in the drawer.
Thinking of street lights and snow,
Denial makes me want it more.

No one would know.
It would just be one quick swipe.
It could be over in a second,
Then back to bed I go.
But it could be over in a second,
For everyone to see like a daytime TV show.

No one would know.
But I would bear the secret.
No more secrets I swore.
My scars are all I wore.

I've been clean eleven months now.
Save the hallelujahs for the choir.
My sanity is hanging itself by a wire.
I see the blood bleed out in the ink,
I bare my soul to the pen.
My head can't think.

I've been clean for a year now.
Smile for me,
Lend me your bright face.
I'll wear you as a mask for this frown I can replace.
Sorry I can't stay longer,
Visit me next year and ask how it's going.
If I don't respond
My apologies, I thought you'd have known.
But be a kind dear,
And leave some flowers on my gravestone.