Whispers in the Dark
When you look at me I have a smile.
My eyes glisten and sparkle with my happiness.
I get along with everyone.
I laugh at stupid things and joke about almost everything.
I can be one of the guys or one of the girls.
I can have fun and be silly.
Carefree and fun.
Do you believe it?
Would you try to even begin to understand the pain I really have or the misery I have felt for so long?
How would you take it away?
Sometimes,
I can't help but wonder if I'm even real anymore.
Have I given up myself to make you all happy?
I sit at night when no one is around or can hear me,
I talk to myself questioning everything.
I break....every night.
I fight to keep my smile.
The smile people say they love.
The one I fought for years to discover.
I don't nor have I ever gotten used to having it there.
When I'm alone and no one is there,
I lose it.
I'm so scared of myself and being alone doesn't help.
I surround myself with people but I never feel safe.
I long for that happiness so many have and I strive to do my best to keep those I care so much for happy.
Because without them I would tear myself apart piece by piece.
I don't want pity, no I'm not that low.
I just want to be heard,
I want people to stop and listen to what I actually have to say.
Whether you care or not.
Whether you listen this is just so I can stop screaming empty words.
My voice and my body hurt from trying to explain to all of everyone what I have for years.
There are days when I have to fight to keep myself sane.
I try to keep the anger and the voices inside at a low mumble, sometimes even a whisper.
It doesn't seem to work, but I still try.
I used to find my release in cutting......my biggest addiction and my hardest to drop.
I like the pain.
Regardless of the scars it leaves behind.
I have to live with them not you, so stop hounding me about it.
I hurt myself instead of others when I'm mad.
Which is so frequent it's a wonder how I can function daily.
Even still how can you tell me I'm wrong for that?
I don't hit people or kill them, and yet you tell me I am wrong for harming myself?
Why does it matter to you?
Why do you care what I do to myself?
It's my body.
It's my mind,
my life.
No, I can't just be "normal".
I'm different, that's what makes me, me.
I tend to be stupid about things just like everyone else.
I look for love in the wrong people and for care in the wrong places.
No one person is perfect and I know that.
I have excepted myself as I am, even my flaws.
I'm done trying to be what you want,
I'm going to give my all to me....
My eyes glisten and sparkle with my happiness.
I get along with everyone.
I laugh at stupid things and joke about almost everything.
I can be one of the guys or one of the girls.
I can have fun and be silly.
Carefree and fun.
Do you believe it?
Would you try to even begin to understand the pain I really have or the misery I have felt for so long?
How would you take it away?
Sometimes,
I can't help but wonder if I'm even real anymore.
Have I given up myself to make you all happy?
I sit at night when no one is around or can hear me,
I talk to myself questioning everything.
I break....every night.
I fight to keep my smile.
The smile people say they love.
The one I fought for years to discover.
I don't nor have I ever gotten used to having it there.
When I'm alone and no one is there,
I lose it.
I'm so scared of myself and being alone doesn't help.
I surround myself with people but I never feel safe.
I long for that happiness so many have and I strive to do my best to keep those I care so much for happy.
Because without them I would tear myself apart piece by piece.
I don't want pity, no I'm not that low.
I just want to be heard,
I want people to stop and listen to what I actually have to say.
Whether you care or not.
Whether you listen this is just so I can stop screaming empty words.
My voice and my body hurt from trying to explain to all of everyone what I have for years.
There are days when I have to fight to keep myself sane.
I try to keep the anger and the voices inside at a low mumble, sometimes even a whisper.
It doesn't seem to work, but I still try.
I used to find my release in cutting......my biggest addiction and my hardest to drop.
I like the pain.
Regardless of the scars it leaves behind.
I have to live with them not you, so stop hounding me about it.
I hurt myself instead of others when I'm mad.
Which is so frequent it's a wonder how I can function daily.
Even still how can you tell me I'm wrong for that?
I don't hit people or kill them, and yet you tell me I am wrong for harming myself?
Why does it matter to you?
Why do you care what I do to myself?
It's my body.
It's my mind,
my life.
No, I can't just be "normal".
I'm different, that's what makes me, me.
I tend to be stupid about things just like everyone else.
I look for love in the wrong people and for care in the wrong places.
No one person is perfect and I know that.
I have excepted myself as I am, even my flaws.
I'm done trying to be what you want,
I'm going to give my all to me....