spiritual guidance
she reminded me of brighter tomorrows and darker
sundays and she had the loveliest of smiles in all
of this city’s autumn night but the loneliest eyes
I’ve had the gratitude to lay upon this autumn
night -
“let me hold your hand,”
she said
and I gave her
every finger
every part of my life
and held tightly
onto hers.
“god puts us in one spot one day at a time
to see if we’ll notice,” she said.
“notice? notice what?”
“his love through the both of us.”
“you believe that?”
“sure. it’s better to believe that god separates us for the better of ourselves
than we do it for the better of ourselves.”
“how so?”
“I see it in your eyes, seth. you’re torn by love, and you’ve torn others
with your love, but this does not affect you.”
“of course it does!”
she smiled and touched my face,
her fingers feeling my
beard.
“god loves you no matter
what, seth. and he’ll continue to love you
even after you reject him through
the drinks and cigarettes and
mindless sex with
women half your age.”
“you don’t know anything about me …”
“is that what you tell everyone you meet? sounds believable and for
most women, they’d probably stop there and screw your brains out for being
so in debt with yourself. but, really, who are you fooling?”
“who cares?”
“no one, but god does.”
“enough with that crap! jesus, if I knew you were going to be this way …”
“you don’t have to believe anything I’m telling you, seth. that’s the amazing thing about our god. he gave us the power of
free will
And let us choose whether or not we should believe in him. and like the
perfect parent, he’ll continue to
love us even after we are
condemned
to Hell.”
and as the night went
the conversations of god and
my savior
grew
light and finally
she left and
I drank half a bottle
and sat before the TV
and watched what
god has done for us
thus far.
it’s been a long time,
Cath, since I’ve heard from you
and if you’re out there
I still remember
our conversation.
I still turn off the television
every month
for one night
and listen to
the wind and
to the cries
and to something
abnormal out
there
and
hope
you made it
too.
sundays and she had the loveliest of smiles in all
of this city’s autumn night but the loneliest eyes
I’ve had the gratitude to lay upon this autumn
night -
“let me hold your hand,”
she said
and I gave her
every finger
every part of my life
and held tightly
onto hers.
“god puts us in one spot one day at a time
to see if we’ll notice,” she said.
“notice? notice what?”
“his love through the both of us.”
“you believe that?”
“sure. it’s better to believe that god separates us for the better of ourselves
than we do it for the better of ourselves.”
“how so?”
“I see it in your eyes, seth. you’re torn by love, and you’ve torn others
with your love, but this does not affect you.”
“of course it does!”
she smiled and touched my face,
her fingers feeling my
beard.
“god loves you no matter
what, seth. and he’ll continue to love you
even after you reject him through
the drinks and cigarettes and
mindless sex with
women half your age.”
“you don’t know anything about me …”
“is that what you tell everyone you meet? sounds believable and for
most women, they’d probably stop there and screw your brains out for being
so in debt with yourself. but, really, who are you fooling?”
“who cares?”
“no one, but god does.”
“enough with that crap! jesus, if I knew you were going to be this way …”
“you don’t have to believe anything I’m telling you, seth. that’s the amazing thing about our god. he gave us the power of
free will
And let us choose whether or not we should believe in him. and like the
perfect parent, he’ll continue to
love us even after we are
condemned
to Hell.”
and as the night went
the conversations of god and
my savior
grew
light and finally
she left and
I drank half a bottle
and sat before the TV
and watched what
god has done for us
thus far.
it’s been a long time,
Cath, since I’ve heard from you
and if you’re out there
I still remember
our conversation.
I still turn off the television
every month
for one night
and listen to
the wind and
to the cries
and to something
abnormal out
there
and
hope
you made it
too.