White Flags

I used to tell the people I loved
I would die for you.
and I know that sounds hard to say,
but it was so easy.
Now I lay in your arms bundled up like love,
and I wouldn't die for you,
and I wouldn't even consider it.
I will live for you.

I will fight for my life.
I will tell you I will never let go,
and then I will never let go.
I will fight to fit on that door with you in the middle of the freezing ocean.
I will swim and kick back up to the top
every time I notice how close to the bottom I'm getting.

When I'm put into a world
that I've long forgotten how to survive in, I will not write:
Mariah was here.
and kick the chair out from under me.
Instead I will write:
Mariah was here,
here's some poetry.

I will tuck away my white flags like Giving Up is a war I have lost.
I will stuff them with love, they will be my pillow.
There's no way I will be anything but on top of this,
of living.

When Dido starts singing White Flags on my radio,
I will turn it up and I will sing along.
I will sing my life that love song.
I will not go down with this ship.
Even though I'm not on a ship,
I've never even been on one,
but believe me:
I'm not going down with it when I do get on one.

My life has never been more valuable
until I saw the value of try.
Until I opened up my bloody heart, and closed my bloody wrist,
until I learned how to reach for what I want, and stop clenching my fist.

I will fight for this life, and I will go down kicking.
When the world gives me a black eye,
I will put some ice on it, and I will give it another fight,
because no one else has ever made me realize how much
I love this life more.

I love this life more when I'm smiling,
and I love this life more even when I'm on the ground.
I love his life more for being able to be on the ground one night,
ready to stop, ready to give up,
ready to wave my white flag in submission,
and then waking up and writing this poem.

I'm folding up my white flags and putting them in storage.