I Should Be

I should be happy.
I should be enjoying this.
I should be having fun,
Making the most of this.

I should be glad.
I should be okay.
I should be laughing,
Smiling like crazy.

But why am I not?
Why am I sad?
In the time I should be happy,
I can't find the willpower to smile.
A real smile.

Why is this happening?
I shouldn't feel like hell.
I shouldn't want to kill myself,
Even now.

I should be forgotten.
I should be dead.