I Can't Have This But He Wants It Anyway (Is It Selfish?)
I told the world I wasn't interested
and then another fucking night spent with you,
it's been three months,
another fucking look at you
my mind seems to change like that
though I didn't want it to and though I didn't expect it to.
But it can't fucking be because I can't come between
all the things built up after so much time spent
and I cannot waltz in
and bring it all down
because it's not what a girl should do,
though fully capable of doing so.
There's more then two chests and two minds on the line
you don't care but I don't know why,
I seem to and I don't know why either.
I heard a lot from the people
I'm trying to keep all together
because there's the like and the want and the let me
touch you and be with you and let me rest my stupid
fucking head on your stupid fucking shoulder when
I'm pissed off for fuck knows why.
When we're apart things are good when we're all together
when we're together and we're all together things feel off,
I think I know why.
I wish things were different,
I wish it were you and me and that was all there was,
but that's not how it is.
Because life is no simple easy thing and I'm no good
with like, love, dates
only really experienced with lust and that's about it really.
Sad I know, the whole thing is pretty sad to begin with,
because there's you wanting me openly,
and there's me wanting you but not totally taking responsibility,
and there's them and him and her and everyone
still I feel the feeling of one day, one day
and I convince myself that one day
is not today, or tomorrow,
but instead
very far away day.
It could turn out to be something good but things need to
ease out a bit and I need to know
no one is going to get hurt, which isn't
realistic but that's who I am and that's how it goes I guess
with these things
with me especially.
I need a bit of reassurance that you really do know who I am
because you don't know me as well as some
and I don't want to get in this whole fucking thing
and have you turned off of me when I do
one small thing.
Like last night I was
angry like I said I could be,
didn't say a word for a while and honestly I
wanted to rest my stupid fucking head on your
stupid fucking shoulder and
just fucking weep but I
couldn't because I
can't because none of it can
happen.
Then again you see me dance like
a freak and
see me talk and cuss and laugh
and cry even once or twice I think
you've seen me covered in sweat and you've
really seen a lot of me
but
is that enough?
Because you've still not seen as much as some I
haven't yelled at you or really really
cried my eyes out at
you
to you
no matter how much I want your
stupid fucking shoulder to
put my stupid fucking head on
when I
get mad
for no stupid
fucking
reason.
I feel the feeling of great can't on my shoulders it doesn't
matter how much I want
because there's them, him, her, all of them
and I just want things OK and
maybe I'm a pushover but at least I've
learned to accept it.
You've seen me change from first meeting
to the now
and if I weren't so anxious
and things were just a bit different I
would keep it a secret from everyone and I
would spend some time alone with you.
I haven't had a look at someone like this in a long
time to be honest so it kind of
freaks me out and I
don't really know what to do so
please forgive me because
I want you to know
that the feeling is mutual
but we can't now not right now
because I don't know why
because I have a feeling in my
gut that says no, don't, can't and
I fucking hate the thing I would
cut all my fucking guts out if that could make it
stop but that's not how this goes so
I'll wait it out and hope you don't move on
and find another one to like just like you like me
because I am possessive and protective and jealous and
sometimes emotional even though I don't like to admit it, admit that
I don't want you to go or stop or any of this to end because the
taste of losing tastes quite sour indeed and
I don't think I can handle that
with you because
this is a lot more
important and there's a
lot more on the line then
you seem to realize.
and then another fucking night spent with you,
it's been three months,
another fucking look at you
my mind seems to change like that
though I didn't want it to and though I didn't expect it to.
But it can't fucking be because I can't come between
all the things built up after so much time spent
and I cannot waltz in
and bring it all down
because it's not what a girl should do,
though fully capable of doing so.
There's more then two chests and two minds on the line
you don't care but I don't know why,
I seem to and I don't know why either.
I heard a lot from the people
I'm trying to keep all together
because there's the like and the want and the let me
touch you and be with you and let me rest my stupid
fucking head on your stupid fucking shoulder when
I'm pissed off for fuck knows why.
When we're apart things are good when we're all together
when we're together and we're all together things feel off,
I think I know why.
I wish things were different,
I wish it were you and me and that was all there was,
but that's not how it is.
Because life is no simple easy thing and I'm no good
with like, love, dates
only really experienced with lust and that's about it really.
Sad I know, the whole thing is pretty sad to begin with,
because there's you wanting me openly,
and there's me wanting you but not totally taking responsibility,
and there's them and him and her and everyone
still I feel the feeling of one day, one day
and I convince myself that one day
is not today, or tomorrow,
but instead
very far away day.
It could turn out to be something good but things need to
ease out a bit and I need to know
no one is going to get hurt, which isn't
realistic but that's who I am and that's how it goes I guess
with these things
with me especially.
I need a bit of reassurance that you really do know who I am
because you don't know me as well as some
and I don't want to get in this whole fucking thing
and have you turned off of me when I do
one small thing.
Like last night I was
angry like I said I could be,
didn't say a word for a while and honestly I
wanted to rest my stupid fucking head on your
stupid fucking shoulder and
just fucking weep but I
couldn't because I
can't because none of it can
happen.
Then again you see me dance like
a freak and
see me talk and cuss and laugh
and cry even once or twice I think
you've seen me covered in sweat and you've
really seen a lot of me
but
is that enough?
Because you've still not seen as much as some I
haven't yelled at you or really really
cried my eyes out at
you
to you
no matter how much I want your
stupid fucking shoulder to
put my stupid fucking head on
when I
get mad
for no stupid
fucking
reason.
I feel the feeling of great can't on my shoulders it doesn't
matter how much I want
because there's them, him, her, all of them
and I just want things OK and
maybe I'm a pushover but at least I've
learned to accept it.
You've seen me change from first meeting
to the now
and if I weren't so anxious
and things were just a bit different I
would keep it a secret from everyone and I
would spend some time alone with you.
I haven't had a look at someone like this in a long
time to be honest so it kind of
freaks me out and I
don't really know what to do so
please forgive me because
I want you to know
that the feeling is mutual
but we can't now not right now
because I don't know why
because I have a feeling in my
gut that says no, don't, can't and
I fucking hate the thing I would
cut all my fucking guts out if that could make it
stop but that's not how this goes so
I'll wait it out and hope you don't move on
and find another one to like just like you like me
because I am possessive and protective and jealous and
sometimes emotional even though I don't like to admit it, admit that
I don't want you to go or stop or any of this to end because the
taste of losing tastes quite sour indeed and
I don't think I can handle that
with you because
this is a lot more
important and there's a
lot more on the line then
you seem to realize.