Paingaygaygay or whatever edited.

Dragging the blade across my wrist, 
I watch my pain turn into happiness,
Blood dripping down my fist.
I would think about you,
Afterwards, when I was free,
How I missed your beautiful voice,
& what you mean to me. 
I'm so unhappy,
I'm such a mess.
I only thought about you,
To keep me at my best. 
I would picture your face,
What you would say to keep me sane.
How you would phrase things,
Joy my heart would gain. 
My heart would flutter when you spoke,
My hands start to sweat,
I start to choke,
My whole body going wet. 
We haven't even met,
But I know how I feel.
When we're on the phone,
It seems so surreal.
You're so perfect for me,
I want to be yours so bad,
I want to hold you & kiss you,
& now I'm just fucking sad. 
One week without you,
& I can't breathe. 
You were just fine,
You're like a disease. 
I care so much,
So so so so much,
I missed you every second,
But it dost bother you,
So the blade I beckoned.
It helped me,
Made me feel so good,
& not so alone. 
& now I see,
Depression is my only home. 
I cut so much in the past week,
My arm is going to fall away.
I'm becoming so weak,
But I missed you everyday.
I wanted to talk to you,
& you didn't seem to care.
But for me, that's always how it turns out, 
It's never fair. 
I really fucking cared about you,
I really did. 
But what do I know?
I'm just a kid.