I Am Suicidal

We're so good
at pasting that smile
on our face everyday
No one ever thinks of asking
if we're okay

If they could hear my thoughts
I know they'd stop.

If they could feel my pain
I bet they'd feel insane.

The pain.
Sometimes it's just too much to bare.
It's been a long time since I decided to care
about anything,
like grades or friends or my life.
It seems like all I ever see is strife.

But these thoughts,
they're trapped inside my head.
I never have
a minute of rest.

These visions I see,
they're of me.

Lying awake at night
I can only imagine what it might be like.

If I took those pills
If I grabbed for that razor
If I shot that gun
If I hung that noose
If I stepped in front of that train

Would the pain go away?

Would it make the thoughts stop?
Because honestly, sometimes I wish these thoughts would get knocked
right out of my head.
I wish someone could tell me I'm not already dead
on the inside
Because this horrible dread,
It's just too much.
It keeps me in bed.

These feelings consume me,
I have no more hope.
All I feel is crushing depression
and a numbness that I can't stand.

I'm lonely and sad;
I'm craving that spark
of something
some light
to get me through all this dark