Relapse.

Drink,
There's no tomorrow.
Smoke,
Your lungs will give out soon.
What's the point of wasting your life?

My body aches,
Each sound gives me shivers.
My heart is thumping against my chest,
Every movement makes me jump.

What did I take?
I don't remember.
Who gave it to me?
That was lost also.

Everyone says it's always hard,
Losing the person that meant the most to you.
They never said you'd relapse,
I guess that's what's hard about it.

My voice is gone,
I've screamed all night.
the neighbors probably woken a long time ago,
But my reflection is a horrid site.
Each flaw is enhanced.

The little capsules,
Sit on the table.
The shiny blade,
Sits beside me.

Haunting each thought,
Sympathy is long gone.
Taunting each word,
Empathy was never felt.

The smell of his cologne,
Still lingers around me.
The taste of his lips,
Stinging my lips.
Just like they did when they met my lips.

My Life has faded,
The haze is still there.
Lingering on in my mind,
Telling me I'm never going to be right again.

Have i gone mad?
We're all mad though.
How could it just be me?
Still in this worthless world.

The whiskey in my hand,
Clenched like it's going somewhere.
The pill down my throat,
Clearing my mind.
The razor against my skin,
Crimson running down each slit.

I'm suicidal,
But I will never let you see that.
My smile is blank,
Forced by my muscles.
It's another reaction.

Showing I can hide it,
I want to be numb.
Save me from myself,
I'm a form of perfect.

Perfect cheek bones,
Perfect Smile.
perfect Hair,
Perfect writing.
Perfect everything.

Except my obsessions,
My Addictions.
I'm weak,
That's what they hate.
I couldn't let anyone let you know,
I gave up on you.

This is my relapse letter,
Every little thing.
Scares me,
I want to be alone.
In a pool of darkness.
Nothingness.
Lonesome.
By myself.
These are my relapse confessions.
Three hours,
Two Minutes.
I just relapsed.