Just Something I got to write

Now a days I've been struggling
It feels like every day I'm putting up a fight
I keep telling my self lies
Like I'm going to make it, like I'm going to be alright
I know I should keep this to my self but this is something I just got to write

I've been having trouble sleeping.
Due to the nightmares that wake up me having me screaming.
I've been having this crazy dreams of finding a way to escape
Cause I'm getting so fed up with my days

I quit everything I ever did
Photoshop, Drawing, Music, I even dropped the pen.
Torn up all the papers
Cause I dont want them to know all the pain I went through if things goes wrong later.

I hate the way I see the world.
Because I know others would see me as one lucky girl.
But now a days I feel sick to my stomach to where I feel as if I just want to hurl.

And even though there visible to others. and faded
I still see my scars I drew on my wrist with that razor
Look like all the pain I caused others didn't do me any favors
Cause I'm still here. I'm still wishing my death would soon be near
I still fight back all my fears and all my tears
Damn why am I still here?

I'm not the same as I use to be.
I don't understand anything.
My head hurts I Feel weak.
I've just been keeping to my self.
Barely speak or hang out.
I just dont know whats thats all about.
Whats my purpose?
But most of all why am I writing this?
I don't know why
its just something I had to write