This Is My Goodbye

The pain finally hits
And it feels like I'm drowning
While I pour tears out
You are mildly frowning

I knew it was coming
But that doesn't mean it hurts less
I'm sorry I wasted your time
I'm just a big mess

I hate feeling like this
Sad and alone
My heart is broken
Crushed by a stone

Yesterday I was fine
But I guess it was just shock
I should of never given you
The key to my heart's lock

My chest hurts
My eyes are red
My heart is broken
My heart is dead

People say "sorry"
And they hug me real tight
But you are all I can think about
When I try to sleep at night

I guess this me giving up
I don't know how much longer I can try
All I seem to be able to do
Is curl up and cry

I pretend to act happy
But my thoughts you cloud
The "got-it-together" girl
Has everyone proud

Even my soft pjs
Don't do the trick
All I can do
Is listen to my clock tick

The thoughts in my mind
The things I wanna say
I just can't do it
Not now or yesterday

My judgement is clouded
I still love you
I don't wanna
But I don't know what to do

My friends try to council me
And so does my knife
But nothing works
I hate my life

I say "I'm still surviving"
Because all I can do is survive
Nothing else works out
Except that I always stay alive

It's like a curse
I can't ever get out
No matter how many times I try
No matter how loud I shout

I feel so hollow
So numb and scarred
Why does it have to be this way
Why does it have to be so hard

That promise I made you
I might have to break
Because it's too soon for me
Wouldn't be good for my sake

I am sorry
That it I couldn't keep
But it will bring me too many
Restless nights without sleep

This is my goodbye
My sad farewell
I'm sorry for everything
I hope I never gave you hell