Lightmares

Four years old
With my heart hung low
I watched as they crammed you into the backseat
Of one of their flashing cars.
Light had always been my safe harbor before
But as I awaited the beginning of the end
I knew I'd probably never see you again
And those red and blue alarms
Have haunted me every night since.

It took me two years of therapy
To even begin to recognize
The truth from the lies.
I remember your bedroom closet
Where I had my first real taste of hatred
And as I spat the blood through baby teeth
From hitting my head against the door
So that maybe you'd wake the fuck up and let me out
I swore you weren't my mother.

So I told our neighbor about starving and shivering
And I guess she's the one who called
Because people in suits kept coming by when you weren't home
But I was too afraid of what I had really done
To open the door.
I'd just hold my sisters close and tell them stories
Of princesses locked in towers guarded by dragons like you
And knights coming to their rescue.
We'd close our eyes and dream
And they'd say, "Cissy, that's gonna be us someday."
All I could do was pray
That they were right.