Self Harm; Cousins; I hate myself right now.

I confided in you because you were the best friend I knew.
My cousin, my sister,- one week apart.
We could never be split up, from the very start.

You helped me through my own pain, my losses, and my troubled gain.
You helped so much, I forgot to ask;
I didn't notice, you falling through the cracks.

As I got better, I noticed your distance.
The way your smile sagged; and the way you never listened.

I'm so sorry Kelsie, that I never knew.
I'm so sorry, that I introduced cutting to you.

I started self harm, I confided in you.
Because you were the best friend, the only one who knew.
I never thought that you would start; after knowing that you could leave your own mark.

I was in so much pain, that after I stopped.
I didn't notice how you quit wearing tank tops.

A month went by, I started to smile.
While you huddled in; which isn't your usual style.

Now as I look back, I noticed the signs.

You cut your wrist,
Like I cut mine.

I shouldn't have told you of my dirty deed,
I completely forgot that you looked up to me.

We are both just 14,
but the scars on our hearts
make up seem older,
older than the queen.

----

You came over last week; like old times.
Your hoodie rode up, and I gasped at the find.
Scabs on your wrist.

I looked down at my own...
This is all my fault.
You shouldn't have known.

I'm so sorry Kelsie,
I love you with all I have.
Don't look up to me anymore,
I just make myself sad.

I blame myself every second.
I hate myself as a whole.
I'm such a fucking menace.

I want to hang from a rope,
dangle so dead,
go up in smoke.

Though I can't kill myself,
Because, you see;
I hate that you have to fucking look up to me.