Mistake

I’m sorry I made a mistake,
One so grave that no matter what I do,
I know you will never trust me again.

I can tell by the way your eyes look at me,
The way they are shifty and full of doubt.
I will forever hate myself for this mistake,
And cry at the foolhardiness of it.

Nothing can change your feelings about me,
I realize that,
But it’s hard,
To see you look at me with such distrust.

All my life I’ve made mistakes,
But this is by far the worst,
Because no matter what I do,
I cannot change anything,
Not your feelings,
Or the way you view me.

I will forever be labeled as a traitor,
Someone who is not mean to be trusted,
More like someone who is the scum of the earth,
And who deserves to crawl on their belly,
Like Satan.

For I did something unconceivable,
Something so horrendous,
That I can never return to my old self.
I have forever ruined our friendship,
There will always be doubt and sadness underlining your words,
And actions.

I have no one to blame but myself,
I am so ashamed,
And humiliated,
That you saw this side of me.

I can’t even trust myself anymore,
Because I have broken our unspoken bond,
The bond that was so unshakable,
Has crumbled to pieces,
And shifted between my fingers,
Like grainy sand.

Life cannot be the same as it once was,
I am a monster,
Someone who doesn’t consider anyone’s feelings,
Someone who cannot possibly be loved by anyone.

I will die alone,
No friends,
Or significant others,
Or family members.

My deed was that foul,
That evil and unspeakable,
That I cannot even think upon it without shuddering.
I am a loose cannon,
I can’t even tell when I’ll do something foolish.

I wish I could take it all back,
But I can’t,
And I have to live with my regret.