The Sweet Girl
You professed that I was pretty and I felt happy to be visually appealing
Told me I aroused you and I was happy to be thrilling
As uncomfortable as I was being your badge of honour
I needed the comfort in being attractive to someone.
You admitted you didn't trust me and that I was strange
I agreed. You succumbed and told me your fears
Told me you could buy a nice gun
(to shoot yourself in the head, I presumed). I cried.
You claimed you'd be just fine with some alcohol, cigarettes and drugs
I said nothing of real worth. Make your own decisions
You left. I left.
Despair took hold. I couldn't help you. I wanted to.
You accused me of abandoning you and your word choice
Chilled me. We were one and the same
Distractions; you needed them.
I could provide them. I did. At least, I tried.
You begged me not to leave you alone because you were afraid
I waited for you to fall asleep and listened to you
Holding back an anguished sob because
You were so perfect and yet so distant in every possible way.
You asked me questions. Made me feel interesting
I told you all my fears. You made a promise
I knew you'd never keep it
I pretended anyway and fell asleep listening to your undertones.
You listened to me ridicule others. I took pleasure
In having someone who understood just how
Stupid people really are
Without realising that perhaps you were one of them.
You shared secrets with me in a voice wet with sincerity
I listened and my heart strained and ached
I felt sick. I couldn't swallow. I found
What I've been looking for and lost it twice as quickly.
Your emotions transcended my emotions – this time
It wasn't just words. It was real and I was afraid. Didn't
Know how to help you
No unkind words. Didn't know how to look at myself.
You wrapped me up with your warm voice and your calming tones
And then left me out in the cold so
You can strip yourself bare, scrub yourself raw and call it
"Finding Yourself". "Loving Yourself".
You call yourself nice. You're not nice. You're just
Decent. There are so little of you that we're expected to be
Grateful for a little humanity
Forgive me for being overwhelmed with a sense of belonging.
You say you hate yourself. You hate yourself because you're
caught in the same cycle of abuse. You never deserved it
You're just uncomfortable being
Treated as a human being. We all are. We find comfort in abuse.
You are perfect and you shouldn't ever change, not for the ignorance in
The people you choose to love and not for those voices inside you
that say you're not good enough
You're perfect. You deserve to be valued. Stop looking and let it find you.
You warmed the heart of the ice queen who hates everyone and
wants to kill and wants to die and immerses herself in misery
Not sure if you were aware
That I'm really not a "sweet girl" but damn, you deserve a medal.
Told me I aroused you and I was happy to be thrilling
As uncomfortable as I was being your badge of honour
I needed the comfort in being attractive to someone.
You admitted you didn't trust me and that I was strange
I agreed. You succumbed and told me your fears
Told me you could buy a nice gun
(to shoot yourself in the head, I presumed). I cried.
You claimed you'd be just fine with some alcohol, cigarettes and drugs
I said nothing of real worth. Make your own decisions
You left. I left.
Despair took hold. I couldn't help you. I wanted to.
You accused me of abandoning you and your word choice
Chilled me. We were one and the same
Distractions; you needed them.
I could provide them. I did. At least, I tried.
You begged me not to leave you alone because you were afraid
I waited for you to fall asleep and listened to you
Holding back an anguished sob because
You were so perfect and yet so distant in every possible way.
You asked me questions. Made me feel interesting
I told you all my fears. You made a promise
I knew you'd never keep it
I pretended anyway and fell asleep listening to your undertones.
You listened to me ridicule others. I took pleasure
In having someone who understood just how
Stupid people really are
Without realising that perhaps you were one of them.
You shared secrets with me in a voice wet with sincerity
I listened and my heart strained and ached
I felt sick. I couldn't swallow. I found
What I've been looking for and lost it twice as quickly.
Your emotions transcended my emotions – this time
It wasn't just words. It was real and I was afraid. Didn't
Know how to help you
No unkind words. Didn't know how to look at myself.
You wrapped me up with your warm voice and your calming tones
And then left me out in the cold so
You can strip yourself bare, scrub yourself raw and call it
"Finding Yourself". "Loving Yourself".
You call yourself nice. You're not nice. You're just
Decent. There are so little of you that we're expected to be
Grateful for a little humanity
Forgive me for being overwhelmed with a sense of belonging.
You say you hate yourself. You hate yourself because you're
caught in the same cycle of abuse. You never deserved it
You're just uncomfortable being
Treated as a human being. We all are. We find comfort in abuse.
You are perfect and you shouldn't ever change, not for the ignorance in
The people you choose to love and not for those voices inside you
that say you're not good enough
You're perfect. You deserve to be valued. Stop looking and let it find you.
You warmed the heart of the ice queen who hates everyone and
wants to kill and wants to die and immerses herself in misery
Not sure if you were aware
That I'm really not a "sweet girl" but damn, you deserve a medal.