This isn't a poem.
I'm sad.
So very sad, it hurts me on the inside.
I wish I could just rewind my life. Maybe if I didn't say those things when I was little, even though Aunt Jessica was very convincing.. maybe it wouldn't have been this way. I wouldn't have been taken away from Mom and given to Grandma like an adoptable puppy at the pound. I would have grown up happy, no idea what the meaning of pain even was.
Ignorance is bliss, or so I've heard.
Maybe I wouldn't have had to go through the things I did. They pulse, the memories in my mind. Like their very own wicked heartbeat, they push and pull like a tide. Fading in and out, causing the utmost agony in my very own Wonderland. A wonderland filled with depression, and fake smiles. I don't know why I've gone on this long, lying to myself, lying to you, pretending I'm happy. I know, cliche. But it's the truth. I was in denial. He didn't fix me, I was just scared of what I was becoming. Honestly, if I hadn't have met him, I would be dead right now. I don't thank him. Nor do I resent him. I'm here, and I'm wondering if it's worth it, all of it, for all this pain. Because, really, what are we supposed to do, go to college, get married, have kids, grow old, smile as we pass. As everything slips through our fingers, we sit there and take pictures and laugh, love, and 'live.'
It's all a lie. I know it is. But I haven't decided whether I'm ready for the truth yet.
To be, or not to be.
-Indecisive.
So very sad, it hurts me on the inside.
I wish I could just rewind my life. Maybe if I didn't say those things when I was little, even though Aunt Jessica was very convincing.. maybe it wouldn't have been this way. I wouldn't have been taken away from Mom and given to Grandma like an adoptable puppy at the pound. I would have grown up happy, no idea what the meaning of pain even was.
Ignorance is bliss, or so I've heard.
Maybe I wouldn't have had to go through the things I did. They pulse, the memories in my mind. Like their very own wicked heartbeat, they push and pull like a tide. Fading in and out, causing the utmost agony in my very own Wonderland. A wonderland filled with depression, and fake smiles. I don't know why I've gone on this long, lying to myself, lying to you, pretending I'm happy. I know, cliche. But it's the truth. I was in denial. He didn't fix me, I was just scared of what I was becoming. Honestly, if I hadn't have met him, I would be dead right now. I don't thank him. Nor do I resent him. I'm here, and I'm wondering if it's worth it, all of it, for all this pain. Because, really, what are we supposed to do, go to college, get married, have kids, grow old, smile as we pass. As everything slips through our fingers, we sit there and take pictures and laugh, love, and 'live.'
It's all a lie. I know it is. But I haven't decided whether I'm ready for the truth yet.
To be, or not to be.
-Indecisive.