The Gray of My Mind

I have been undermining myself for failure
Its like a disease eating me up alive with no hope of savior
To come its like kingdom come
But no, its not cuz my mind is gone
Too far past the point of sanity
Im going to fast and losing my grip on reality
Cuz everything's starting to look the same to me
Gray matter with no meaning, just a hopeless place of existence
If I die tonight then I know plenty who will say "good riddance"
I have even thought of asking god for forgiveness, but for what?
Something inside is screaming out for hope to find a calm
And i just cant deal with this hysterical blindness
Binding me in some sort of darkness
I feel that a part of me is missing and I cant be free
The shackles are still holding me prisoner of humanity
See there is more to me than you think
Im not a poet or a lyricist, I'm just a guy that writes about my punishment
Its relentless, like the crashing of the waves on a beach
But the waves are blood red and the beach is strewn with carcasses
The inner demons are coming out of me,
There is not a safe place from my own self, is there a hope for me?
What the fuck am I thinking, I'm causing my own hell
I need a therapist, psychologist, or soon to be mortician
Cuz if I don't get better I know my final destination